The Male Version of Me #Volume1

    In all the miles we've traveled to get here, we arrived in the same city, a few feet away from one another...in this foreign city with a billion people surrounding us, I've only ever felt connected to you. We share the growing pains and our unwillingness to let go of the past.

    But everything's okay when I talk you, because every word you say reminds me that all this was destined. That 22 years ago and 24 years ago He'd already known we'd meet and how we were one and the same. 

That you would be the male version of me because we're both selfish and naive. I still think about him but you still think about her too. I'm your mirror, your reflection there to remind you all the good and bad that's in you but what I've noticed is your worst than me.

     You look at me and see your dirt that your even too afraid to tell me about. Never giving me the benefit of doubt. Still I want you to know I prayed for you. I couldn't have survived these last few years without you. You've been a constant player on my team, hiding away in my own personal locker room. Something like a teammate. A life coach too, always here motivating me, and above that putting me in my place. 

I've said all this to say that I miss you...immensely. 

"I'm your comfort." The Sensations of Comfort Volume 3

They think it's you that keeps dragging me back in but no it's me. I'm the one always drawing you back in. I always do this to us. It's an impulsive text sent your way that leaves me anticipating your response.(You always response) Which then always leads into an easy 3 hour conversation that reminds us why we fell in love. In those conversations we avoid talking about reasons we both know we won't work out again for the 15th time. 

Still Like clockwork, like how the sun rises in the morning, there comes the subtle "I love you" that takes our  "friendship" to a new level.  That's unconsciously takes us back into dangerous territory, and all the months I practiced resilience against you fades away. Like how I trained myself to stop checking your Facebook, and Twitter moves where you pretend to be something your not. Still when I fall in love with you again none of that matters but just as quickly as I could throw myself in to you once more, I quickly hate you again. No, I never hate you, I hate the control you have over this mind, body and soul of mine. Your my weakest. 

The truth is that it all starts with me, but you don't stop me. I creep back in but your routine, your habit is to welcome me with open arms. What I now know is that you love comfort just as much as do. I'm your comfort.  And seconds, days, months don't change that, I'm home for you. 

Maybe I'll always be here or maybe I already left and the comfort that you feel is still here is merely an illusion. 

The Sensation of Comfort By Everlecia #Volume2

    They were magnets. She was convinced as yet again she found herself back in the arms of his comfort. Feeling that maybe they have never skipped a beat on their many months apart. But the truth was that they were on a ticking time bomb that intensified the moment. She knew better because they'd been there before, still In their limited moments together she wanted the fantasy to last. Naively forgetting that their comfort meant that neither of them could grow. They were trying relive the good times... But It couldn't and wouldn't last long, because they wanted different things. Differences that left them thousands of miles apart even when she layed right to him..

    So it seemed simple that their solution was to stay away from each other but it wasn't that easy. So much time was invested, unforgettable memories were made and families were introduced. And even when she thought she was moving on, someone would mention his name, and oh that alone brought her comfort. Because despite their mishaps he was the only one that had a true affect on her. She let him see every version of herself from the vulnerable girl who revealed her deepest dreams to the fighter who kept still kept everything suppressed inside.  He was the only person she didn't have to be the girl who had it all together. That's why he was the one who she dared to share so many firsts with.

     Over and over the foolish gal found herself longing for his comfort. Convincing herself that they would grow into the same direction.... But after months no years she found herself weary and without hope, and soon the girl he thought he knew would be exposed to more. The act of making love to ones mind, and without being touched she had found herself falling for another... And slowly but surely the sensations of comfort were replaced with someone like her equal, but soon she would realize that in the end that "comfort" still ruled her mind body and soul.. With a hold that was infuriating, and that wouldn't allow her to move on beyond her borders of comfort... 

The Sensation of Comfort By Everlecia #Volume1

She missed him but missing him had nothing to do with the love they shared, well maybe a little. It had more to do with comfort...he knew her inside out... He knew what buttons to push, he had even found her pause button, the one that in the moment made her feel like everything had stopped in time, and that what they had could last forever. 

        After years of persistence he slowly peeled back her layers. She was a type of science for him...certain faces had ways of telling him instantly when she was at unease.. She rarely had to explain her feelings because those looks always gave her away even when she didn't want them to. 

        She missed the comfort of someone knowing what she liked and didn't like, what made her body sing, and her favorite movies that made her cry. She missed him because of the comfort that he brought, the way he at laughed her jokes as if she was the funniest person in the world, the way he always let her have her way...